I Remember

I remember... The sheets were warm, our bodies sank into them. The room was completely dark except for the television, playing a show we weren’t watching. The light lit up his face, and then darkened, depending on the scene. From time to time we would hear a joke on the show, and we laughed with each other. I loved when he laughed. There was no need for a pillow, his chest held my head up. I could hear his heartbeat pulsing, his lungs inhale and exhale. It could have drifted me off to sleep, it was so calming. Feeling those things reminded me that he was alive, he was there, and all of it was real. His arms wrapped around me, it was better than a blanket. With his body heat and gentle touch, he could have fooled me. It was comforting, like a protective barrier. All the troubles bounced off the side, unable to penetrate through the force field. I could not have felt safer. The smell of his skin was amazing; he didn’t even have to try. It reminded me of something, I could never remember what, but I would have buried my face in his neck all night if I could. His kiss gave me butterflies, made my insides melt. With his lips against mine, I didn’t want them to leave. They fit together perfectly, like two puzzle pieces who had finally found each other, as did the spaces between our fingers. I felt dizzy but focused whenever we kissed, like I was in a daydream and real life at the same time. It got me drunk like no alcohol ever would. After we stood up, I almost fell over. But I suppose that was okay, because he would have caught me. When we embraced, it felt like fireworks were going off inside me. Our bodies so close that if we went any closer I was afraid I would crack a rib. But it was safe, it was warm, it was soft. I never wanted him to let go, to stay in that moment forever. When he left for the night, it was like a part of me disappeared. It felt empty and quiet. I crawled back into bed, but I wasn’t the same bed I had just laid in for hours. It became cold where he used to be, so I tried to fill the void with Kallie, but again, it wasn’t the same. I brought up the blankets over me in hopes that it would give me the same warmth his arms gave. It didn’t. My throat was dry, my lips were numb, my body cried out in exhaustion. I drank some water, it didn’t help, and laid my head on my pillow. I couldn’t hear its heartbeat, I couldn’t feel it breathing. I was about to close my eyes when I heard the beeping of my cell phone, signalling I received a message. I grabbed it, and read a “Good night, sweet dreams =)” from him. It made me smile, but it also made me long for his touch. Even though he was only gone for about 10 minutes, I already missed him. I couldn’t describe that feeling in one word, just that I wanted to see him all day, every day. I wanted to fall asleep on his chest with his arms clutching me, instead of on a pillow with a cotton blanket. I dove into thoughts, fantasies, and past events about him to keep me from becoming lonely. I knew I was tired, but it was so hard to fall asleep. I had my eyes closed and daydreamed, but I couldn’t drift off into real dreams. I looked at my hands and saw the empty gaps between my fingers. I didn’t want to see it, so I closed my eyes again. All I wanted to do was argue about who was more cool, who was more cute, who was more amazing (it was him). I wanted him to accidently tickle me, and then I poke at his sides for payback. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair while I gazed into his eyes. As many times as I blink, I’ll think of him tonight.